Usually I ask the boys at dinner, but tonight was kinda crazy. I had a long call after 5 p.m. with a customer who needed technical support, and who better than to give technical support over the phone to an elderly school principal in Tokyo than me?
I ask Kenzo and Osamu every evening what they think the best part of their day was. I don't force it, of course. They don't have to answer if they don't want to, but they pretty much always do unless they're distracted. That's why I ask at dinner or bedtime - nothing else going on.
Of course I'm really curious about their daily life when they're not with me, but I have other motives. I want Kenzo and Osamu to live full, amazing, adventurous, fearless lives, and I think one small thing I can do for them now when they're little is help them practice self-reflection and gratitude.
By asking them the simple question, "What was the best part about today?" I get three birds with one stone: 1) finding out what happened today when the "How was school?" question fails, 2) facilitate the beginning of a lifelong habit to think about the day and what was good about it, and 3) through focusing on a good thing that happened they can feel naturally grateful for being.
This blog for me is kinda like that. I ask myself every day, "What do I want to remember about today, and what do I want my boys to know about today in twenty years or more, when they're my age and Eri and I are possibly no longer around?" Eri will probably still be around. She's pretty energetic.
Eri had the day off from school and a parent-teacher meeting with Osamu's kindergarten teacher, after which she and the boys played on the kindergarten playground for an hour, went for Baskin Robbins ice cream, and had an amazing time that of course did not include a nap. So we hustled and fast-tracked dinner time and somehow I was tucking the boys into their bunk bed before 8 p.m.
"What was your favorite part about today?"
Kenzo had his monkey next to him and was cozily tucked under his warm comforter. His eyes looked sleepy, but he was smiling at me and as verbose as any other time of day. Osamu was rustling around on the bottom bunk as I stood on the first step of the ladder talking to Kenzo.
Kenzo said he had two things, and proceeded to excitedly tell me about playing dodgeball and how he didn't get hit with the ball even once and also how he loved playing with Osamu and mama on the kindergarten playground.
"That was the best part about today," he concluded.
As he was telling me these things I was looking into his sleepy eyes. I think it might be working. He was definitely reflecting on the day, as much as a six-year-old can. Most importantly, I could tell that through this reflective response he was practicing thankfulness for his wonderful day.
I don't want to ask the boys what they're thankful for. I think that's a leading question of sorts. Sometimes asking a different question gets you the answer, and the result, you are actually looking for.
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