Eri waited for my afternoon meeting to wrap up and then she came into my office and told me that Kenzo and his friend Hidekazu had gone to 5-Chome Park. On their own. And apparently one more first grade boy with a crazy hairdo and a kirakira name had come over to play as well, but now they were all off to the park.
5-Chome Park is about a six minute walk from our house, and to get there you have cross two streets that have a decent amount of cars zipping by most of the day.
Eri was worried, but she let him go because she didn't want to make it into a scene that Kenzo will remember under hypnosis when he's in his 30s and having issues with his social skills. She didn't say it like that, though. I'm paraphrasing.
I said I'll go for a quick walk and check out the park. I needed a break anyway and even though I wasn't particularly worried, I was curious what was going on. Eri and I are brand new to the world of having a son in elementary school.
Six minutes later I was making a loop around 5-Chome Park and there was no one around except a couple of municipal street repairmen who were pretty sure I was a loitering gaijin weirdo. On any other day they'd be totally right.
I texted Eri that the boys weren't at the park and she had a slight frantic mama reaction. Then I continued on to see if the boys were at another nearby park or walking around looking for lizards, which is what they do.
A few minutes later Eri called me and said the boys had returned to the house and were playing outside.
When Hidekazu walked home Kenzo decided he wanted to accompany him, and Eri followed them so she could possibly talk with Hidekazu's mom and maybe set up a system where the boys trade off playing at each other's houses and reinforce our parental communication since it seems we have slightly differing ideas about monitoring the boys' after-school autonomous activities.
That mission failed. Hidekazu's folks appear to have a different approach. They're fine with him being out and about on his own without knowing exactly where he is or when he's coming home. He's like a little Japanese Tom Sawyer with a stylish flannel wardrobe. Eri told me she's at odds with that and is having trouble navigating this situation. She's of the opinion that first grade is too early for the boys to be out wandering the neighborhood unsupervised.
I listened and asked questions, as is my way. I have my own thoughts on the matter, and I know those thoughts are different than Eri's, but I also value accessing my ignorance and not assuming that my way of thinking is the right way. It's tiring sometimes, but completely worth it.
Contrary to Eri, I absolutely love that Kenzo is already starting to grasp his autonomy and soak up the world around him on his own terms. Eri wants that for him, too, but in a more cautious and prudent way. That's why she's a great mother.
I asked Eri if I could weigh in with a contrasting perspective. She's always open to my peculiar gaijin mindset.
I said the time has come to set up some rules and expectations with Kenzo, and that I think we should clearly define our values when it comes to the boys and their activities. We can't make reactionary parental decisions whenever their friends come over and have totally different family rules and expectations, like Hidekazu apparently.
I'm excited and grateful for the chance to attack this challenge - defining our family's values and balancing that with the world at large. If we do this "right" the boys will be empowered to make their own decisions when mama and papa aren't around that account for our family principles as well their own developing sense of right and wrong, while also accounting for their own developing self-reliance and confidence.
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