Tonight I was vacuuming up the downstairs floor after cutting up cardboard boxes and getting them ready for recycling when Kenzo comes down and stands in the doorway. I turned off the vacuum and he said, "Papa please don't go away."
The morning routine of getting the boys ready to ride the kindergarten bus was relatively smooth. On Wednesdays there's no trash pickup and the boys eat school lunch so Eri doesn't need to prepare lunch boxes. Kenzo and Osamu checked on the mantis in their bug box before hopping in the car.
That mantis has gotta be hungry. We haven't caught him any dragonflies in a week. I was sure he was dead. Even Kenzo commented that the mantis was probably gonna need to be buried. But lo and behold it's a zombie mantis. He seemed fine when I saw him this afternoon.
The autumn continues to be spectacular. My morning walk through Dounji and around Koyodai was made even better by the continually changing colors and the crackling of leaves underfoot.
I'm almost done with this huge task at work. Performance reviews. I've been at it for a month and it's due for submission to HR by Friday. Just a little more to go. I might be spending too much time overthinking and writing too much for my team's reviews, but I think it's important. They're going to read these reviews and be affected. I want them to be affected in a positive, optimistic way. I want everyone to know, in clear written terms, what I think about their work performance and how I think they can take forward steps in professional development and growth. It takes time to think deeply about each member of the team and write these reviews, and it's worth it. But I'll also be glad when I'm done.
The boys had a pizza party tonight. That's where I cook oven pizzas and give the okay to continue watching Cars even though it's dinner. The rule is the TV goes off for meal and snack times, but a pizza party is special. Also I need to distract them a bit so I can mentally adjust. And peel persimmons in peace.
Kenzo did that thing again at nap time where he thinks he slept but he really didn't. He got upset when I reinforced that he needs to take a nap and he said he did and that papa is mean. Later after the pizza party Osamu was in a great mood. He took a solid 90-minute nap. Kenzo did not and was getting more surly by the minute. He eventually lost it when I told the boys to clean up toys after dinner because we're going in the bathtub. He said papa is mean again and he hates papa and he wants papa to leave and not not come back. That's pretty good for a six-year-old. He's definitely got a flair for drama.
Maybe I really am a bad papa, but I went along with him. It's not in my nature to really get angry. I go through life mostly just amused by everything, even things that should not be thought of as amusing.
I told Kenzo sure. I'll go and not come back. He was a bit indignant at first and seemed surprised but satisfied by my response. Then he got sad and started to cry and said don't go papa. I told him I'd think about it if he would think about the things he said.
He must've had some thoughts after lights out at bedtime because when he came downstairs later to make a final appeal for me to stay here in our house with, "Papa please don't go away," he looked and sounded like he had really done some thinking about his behavior, at least as far as a six-year-old can.
I told him don't worry about it and I'll see you in the morning.
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