Flying By

By the end of this month Eri will be done with her web design career course. We were talking the other night and she commented, "These past few months doing this course just flew by."

We locked eyes. I counted a few ticks of the second hand on the living room clock. Eri started laughing. It hasn't flown by for me.

However, I did say, truthfully, that I have gotten used to the flow of things over these past few months. There have been some pretty hard days to be sure. I'm positive the reason I started going back to see my old psychiatrist and getting back on the Zoloft was in large part related to me barely being able to handle taking care of the boys while managing my work. I've been officially diagnosed with clinical anxiety, which is the real culprit. I wonder every single day, "If I was a more mentally healthy person would I be able to cope better with interpersonal challenges?"

When she was considering doing this course, Eri asked me what I thought on a number of occasions. She gave me plenty of outs. I could have easily said no don't do this.

I thought it over a lot. I knew this four month stretch was going to be challenging. In the end, however, I decided it was a challenge worth taking. For Eri's career this course was a no-brainer. She's gaining enviably marketable skills and her CV is more impressive than ever. When I told Eri she should do this I did so with the deep gulp of someone about to take a big spoonful of castor oil. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was gonna be hard.

And we're almost there. Just a few more weeks. The boys have also gotten used to the schedule, but they're also aware that mama will not be gone at school after the 22nd. They can read the calendar super well.

The thing is too... even with the crazy stress and exhaustion and whatnot, I love my evenings with the boys. We miss mama of course, but there's something special about having the boys to myself. It's just pure father and sons time. We turn up the music, we make oven pizzas, we run around the house and throw origami ninja stars and paper airplanes, we laugh like crazy and run out of breath.

I recorded part of dinner time tonight...

After everyone went to bed, including Eri after she got home from school, I settled in to do some reading at the dining table with a steaming hot bowl of karamiso-motsunikomi, which is spicy miso tripe stew. And some red wine. Naturally.