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Pure Presence

Kenzo wrapped up second grade today. He came home at lunchtime and I asked how he was doing. He said, "Good, but some kids bullied me." He says that a lot. That's why mornings are hard for him these days. He won't walk to school with the neighbor kids. He needs mama to go with him and still often cries on the way and makes a fuss at the school gate. But when he walks home, he's totally fine. He moseys up the street and up the steps and opens the door and confidently proclaims he's home.

I'm still trying to figure out how to help him. Based on what he describes, it is not bullying (to me at least). It's just 8-year-old culture. But Kenzo has this habit of playing the victim. It is so tricky. I want to support him without reinforcing that mindset.

Meanwhile, my job was intense today and tomorrow will be the same. After that I am off for a week and a half so I need to clear my plate.

Eri and the boys drove up to her mom's place to borrow a kimono for Osamu’s entrance ceremony and an extra futon for our extra special guests. That left me home alone for the afternoon. A rare silence. And I got a lot done. And I missed the noise.

All of this. Kenzo’s school struggles, the relentless work push, the logistics of kimono borrowing and futon arranging... in the grand scheme of things there's no reason to worry a single bit. That's not to say things are unimportant. I mean that maybe I take it all too seriously sometimes. 

There's something to be said for the way a small joyous child lives, a two-year-old in overalls who laughs hysterically when a ball bounces and can't even catch his breath because it's the funniest most entertaining thing ever. Fully in the moment. No worries about what just happened or what is coming next. Just pure presence. That's the goal, or at least to me something worth striving for in this zany human existence.

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